Elada või surra? elada- sest sul veel palju asju vaja järele proovida koos minuga:D
Elada miks? --> sest mina ju siin, kellele ma siis kalli teen ja olemas olen 26/28 kui sind ei ole?
Surra? miks mitte? --> hea küsimus, aga kui see siis ma tulen järgi... ja vb me ikka pääseme taevasse

miks sellised rumalad mõtted?

I've struggled with this quite a bit, especially when things have been tough for me, or when I've been confused about life.  We don't get to choose to be born, nor do we choose several things about our lives (nationality, relatives, innate personality, gender, basic appearance, etc.).  Sometimes it seems that we've been forced into our lives, and we have to try and make life work the best we can.

What I need reminded about sometimes is that life isn't just about me.  Other people are affected by the life I live (though that seems unfair sometimes also).  Even more than that, God wants to bless others through me.  This concept of community fuels the apostle Paul's words in Romans 14:

For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone.
- Romans 14:7

If you read the discussion in Romans 14, Paul is talking about Christians getting along with each other even though they have different opinions about things.  I think this has broader application to general life also.  Paul is saying that community is important, that the people around you matter too.  Your life affects others, for better or worse.  You make a difference to those around you, Heidi.  And sometimes, you'll do things for others that aren't important enough to you that you'd do them for yourself.  Perhaps you're alive so you can share life with others, and so you can bring glory to God.

Life is tough sometimes.  Life is often confusing (for me, anyway).  In some ways, I'll be glad when it's all over... but I know that while I'm alive, God has something for me to do, a reason for me to be here.  Maybe it's so I can encourage others, or to be a friend to someone.

I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.  For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.
If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know!  I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.
Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me.
- Philippians 1:20-26

Just some thoughts.  I hope they address what you're dealing with.  If they don't, perhaps they're worth considering anyway.  Have a good week, and know you'll be in my prayers.
G